12 Rules for Parenting: Using an Evidence Based Approach through PMT

Parent Management Training (PMT) is an evidence-based approach to parenting that teaches caregivers strategies to shape children’s behavior in positive, consistent, and effective ways. Developed by Dr. Alan Kazdin, PMT is widely used to help children who exhibit behavioral challenges such as aggression, defiance, or oppositional behaviors, but its principles can benefit all families. The central idea of PMT is that children’s behavior is influenced by the environment, particularly how adults respond to it, and that parents can learn practical skills to encourage desirable behaviors while reducing problem behaviors.

Kazdin’s Parent Management Training (PMT) Rules

1. Reinforce the behaviors you want to see

Positive reinforcement is key. Notice and praise specific desirable behaviors immediately and enthusiastically.

Example: Your child puts away their toys without being asked. You say, “I love how you put your toys back so neatly—great job!”

2. Ignore minor misbehavior

Attention, even negative attention, can reinforce unwanted behaviors. Quietly ignore minor, harmless misbehavior.

Example: Your child taps their pencil repeatedly while you read aloud. Instead of reacting, you continue calmly. Over time, the tapping may stop.

3. Give effective instructions

Instructions should be calm, brief, specific, and delivered one at a time. Avoid vague commands.

Example: Instead of saying, “Be good,” say, “Please put your shoes in the closet now.”

4. Break tasks into small, achievable steps

Shaping behavior with incremental steps increases success and motivation.

Example: If your child struggles with cleaning their room, start with: “Step 1: Pick up all the socks,” then “Step 2: Put books on the shelf,” praising each step.

5. Use practice, rehearsal, and role-playing

Practice desired behaviors in neutral situations to build skill and confidence.

Example: Before a playdate, practice sharing by taking turns with a toy at home. Praise successful attempts.

6. Use rewards strategically and consistently

Rewards can be material or experiential, but must be meaningful and consistent.

Example: Your child earns a sticker each time they complete homework on time. Five stickers equal extra 10 minutes of screen time.

7. Stay calm, predictable, and emotionally regulated

Parents’ emotional tone shapes children’s behavior. Calm consistency supports learning.

Example: If your child yells, take a deep breath and say calmly, “I can’t hear you when you yell. Please use your words.”

8. Catch the good more often than correcting the bad

Maintain a high ratio of positive reinforcement to correction.

Example: Throughout the day, notice small positives: “Thanks for putting your dishes in the sink,” or “I appreciate how patiently you waited your turn.”

9. Model the behaviors you want your child to learn

Children internalize observed behavior, so demonstrate the traits you want them to adopt.

Example: If you want your child to apologize, model it: “I’m sorry I raised my voice earlier. That wasn’t helpful.”

10. Use consequences sparingly and effectively

When limits are necessary, keep consequences mild, brief, and unemotional. Avoid harsh punishment.

Example: If a child throws a toy, calmly take the toy away for 5 minutes. No yelling or long lectures.

11. Maintain routines and predictable structure

Consistency reduces conflict and fosters security.

Example: Breakfast, homework, playtime, dinner, and bedtime happen at roughly the same time each day. Kids know what to expect and feel secure.

12. Celebrate success and maintain a long-term view

Acknowledge small improvements to build confidence and internal motivation.

Example: Your child completed homework without fuss three days in a row. Celebrate with praise or a small reward, reminding them you notice progress.